struggling

I am about 40% motivated right now. I don't want to gain anything until my mom comes home, in December-- which is pretty stupid I know, but I just can't get past that line of reasoning. I lost 3lbs last week, so my BMI is officially in the 15s instead of the 16s.

Honestly though, now I just want to lose. I went out to dinner with my Dad last night and I feel so, so guilty about it because when I eat out with my parents, I try really hard to be normal, to finish the food, etc. We ate ate an italian resto which has a prix fixe menu, antipasti, pasta main and dessert. The portions were all very reasonable, not too big or anything but I am just thinking about how I can "undo" the "effects" of that meal even though in my rational mind I know that I won't gain weight from 1 meal alone.

UGH. I am just kind of lonely, and depressed, and wanting to dissapear until winter break. I don't know..